it's over at last
Believe it or not, after that last post in Oct 08, I went through another year of this. He'd tell me he wanted me, that he had stopped trying and broke up with her but he wasn't quite ready yet, then he was ready but not yet unencumbered, etc.
I think I've been dating a pathological liar. He really does believe what he's saying at the time he says it. The operative phrase being 'at the time.' I don't know what he's been telling her. I don't know if the few steps forward he's taken really happened.
But it's over now. I was at the end of my rope and dangling there for a long time. Too long. We had one more boom-and-bust cycle, where he wants to see me, we have a great time together, we get close, then he backs off and tells me we can't see each other. I finally blew my top, he flipped out and said a bunch of simply crazy stuff.
No more friends and definitely never lovers. It's kind of sad. I thought I had a straightforward man with an amazingly positive attitude, seemingly clear of emotional problems, and it turns out he has more problems than most.
But if anyone gives a damn, which I rather doubt, I am still alive and actually feel a bit like I've finally left a nightmare. I can't believe I'm out, I'm fragile like a dove's egg. Part of me has gotten so used to it that I am surprised when I find myself using my brain the way I used to: it's as if 90% of my background processing had been devoted to this futile task, and now that CPU time has suddenly been freed up for real stuff.
Crazy.
I think I've been dating a pathological liar. He really does believe what he's saying at the time he says it. The operative phrase being 'at the time.' I don't know what he's been telling her. I don't know if the few steps forward he's taken really happened.
But it's over now. I was at the end of my rope and dangling there for a long time. Too long. We had one more boom-and-bust cycle, where he wants to see me, we have a great time together, we get close, then he backs off and tells me we can't see each other. I finally blew my top, he flipped out and said a bunch of simply crazy stuff.
No more friends and definitely never lovers. It's kind of sad. I thought I had a straightforward man with an amazingly positive attitude, seemingly clear of emotional problems, and it turns out he has more problems than most.
But if anyone gives a damn, which I rather doubt, I am still alive and actually feel a bit like I've finally left a nightmare. I can't believe I'm out, I'm fragile like a dove's egg. Part of me has gotten so used to it that I am surprised when I find myself using my brain the way I used to: it's as if 90% of my background processing had been devoted to this futile task, and now that CPU time has suddenly been freed up for real stuff.
Crazy.
posted by C. Y. Noquote at 8:07 PM
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